Just Don't Get It!!

God, I am struggling. Financially it is killing me! I have to watch every single penny I spend. Why are things getting so bad? You work so hard, to get nothing, but some gas, a little food and not much else. I have a college degree for God's sake and it hasn't helped much. I just don't understand how everyone is making it. I really want to move out of my parents house by August. The closer it gets, the more worried I get, I am afraid I won't have the money. I really hope the Mike starts paying me child support like he is supposed to. If he was, then things would be a little easier. I really love being a mom and taking care of everything, I hate living at my parents house where I am treated like a child and not free to be the mother I am meant to be. I want to give the best life I can to my children. It is so hard though, since my divorce I have done nothing but struggle financially. Yeah, I would probably would be doing a little better if I wasn't so generous with my last relationship, he really topped off my financial devastation. But I can't look back only forward. Things have got to get better.

Still Haven't Figured It Out!

Haha, I forgot how to get to this blog, but I figured it out a year later. I still haven't figured out where I am going. A lot has happened since my last post, I am at a different job now, less pay, but also less stress. I live with my parents, which is fine for now, but really want to get back out on my own, want my own place. I am really struggling financially and I am tired of being alone. I would love to find a nice caring man, one who wants to spend time with me and realizes what a great catch I am. I am been on several dates, but nothing has come of them. I went on a date Sunday with a real sweet guy, not really my type, but he was very nice and had a good heart, we went bowling and then had lunch. I got an email from him today and he said he thinks he needs more time before he dates........see this is what happens to me, I can never meet the right guy. I really think he probably thought I was too fat. My weight has really been bothering me a lot lately and I can not get a handle on it and do something about. I have been battling depression and no one understands it. I feel like I have lost my way and can't figure out how to get back. I just want my life back! I want me and my children to live in our own home again. Be our own family, do our own thing. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what my parents have done for me but I really need have my own place. If I could get their father to pay me like he is supposed to, that would be possible, but as it stands on my single income it is next to impossible to make it here, unless I didn't have a car payment, but I need a car so I am stuck. I feel like I am trapped in a cage, no money, no home to call my own! I just wish I could figure out the solution to all of this. I even got my bachelors degree thinking that it would help, but it really hasn't helped much. I don't know, I guess I just need to do some more thinking.

Thanks Cousin.

Ok well here I am, I am typing in a blog, something I never thought I would do, but always wanted to. Strange things happen in my life and I got back in touch with my cousin, whom I haven't seen in about 20 years or so. He has a blog, I thought it was cool, so now I am making one. I love to write and this will be where I can say it all. Maybe not all. But close. I am so proud of my cousin, he did not have the best of childhoods and he has done so well for himself, it really makes me happy. I was always afraid to contact him in the past because I was afraid he wouldn't talk to me,(just some stupid insecurities I have) we have had a lot of things happen in our family in the past 20 years, but I am so glad that we are communicating again. I can not wait to see him, he will be visitng my area soon! He also rides a motorcycle and so do I. However, I am slow and he is fast, LOL, but it is really cool that we have that in common, I am not the rider he is yet, but maybe one day I will get close. But thanks cousin for being a good guy.